Man they suck. I was laying in bed last night reading my Martha Stewart magazine cool as a cucumber. Then all of a sudden I couldn't get the covers off of me fast enough. I got HOT and FAST! It was crazy. I really dread menopause.
I have a baby shower to go to this weekend. I really like the people so I'm going. They know of our struggles and are supportive so that helps make the whole baby shower thing easier.
The whole thing is so hard to explain what it feels like without coming across as a horrible person. While I am happy for *most* people that get pregnant it still has a jealousy sting to it. It's like I want to scream "you can't get pregnant till I do, it's not fair!" Then you hear of "oh we have been trying for 2 months and we will never get pregnant!" Then I want to laugh at them and say ha once you have tried for over 2+ years then come talk to me. But I know that's not the way to be and I remember feeling that way when we started trying. It's still hard to see a negative test no matter how many months you have been trying.
When you have been trying as long as we have there are people that start trying to get pregnant we you first began, got pregnant, and are now TTC again. Some of them are successful again but then some are struggling. And I want to say "be thankful for the one you have and just think I'm still trying for my first and here you are one your second you have no right to be upset." But the thing is they do have the right. Everyone has the right to be upset about their situation. It's just been a hard lesson for me to learn.
I've gotten over the whole waiting to O, waiting to test. Those were easy to overcome. Now my problem is waiting to see if we will EVER have a child. How long do you give it? When do you give in and try adoption? When do you try other costly medical procedures? I don't know and it sucks that there isn't a manual for this but it's not. You just have to live your life the best way you can. And that's what I'm doing minute by minute.
6 years ago
3 comments:
Tell me about it - the Clo.mid REALLY made me into a crazy person not to mention the hot flashes.
And for the rest of the stuff - about being happy yet jealous and wanting to yell at people that have NO CLUE...ditto what you said exactly!
It's so unfair
Hey Misty - I had no clue you were going through all of this. I cannot begin to imagine. I will keep you in my prayers. I have several friends who tried for years and were eventually successful and some who are still trying. God knows the plan and it is all RIGHT when He plans it. I am so glad we are in contact now. Where are you living?
I do hope you get pregnant soon. It is very hard to be happy for people when you see them live out what you should be living. I miscarried a couple of yrs ago, and me and a girl at work were within days of same due date. It was hard seeing her little girl and me not having one. I can say that prob. happened for a reason, not long after that we divorced. Me and my now hubby are thinking of trying ourselves soon. And I'm extremely nervous. Brytan is 11 now! I'll be starting all over.
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